Many of my earliest memories (so around age 3 or 4) involve me watching Nickelodeon. Until ZOOM premiered in 1999, Rugrats was my favorite show. So, every year, when the Kids’ Choice Awards aired on the network, I would watch and patiently wait for Rugrats to win for Favorite Cartoon. For six straight years, from 1996 to 2001, Rugrats won the prize. Each of those years, I was thoroughly excited for those wins. Rugrats (deservedly) winning those blimpy trophies were among the first times I really got excited for an award show. When I was in elementary show, I didn’t have the chance (or interest) at the time to watch Oscar nominated movies or the primetime series that usually got Emmy love. The KCAs was and still remains a show that is relevant for the average school kid. Like the People’s Choice Awards, the KCAs are a popularity contest. A quality online show like Gortimer Gibbon’s may never get the mainstream popularity needed in order to win one of these awards (or even get nominated). But, hey, this silly little awards show was important to me when I was a kid…I can’t throw it too much shade. From the Olsen twins hugging each other after being slimb bombed to Rosie O’Donnell loudly geeking over Tom Cruise, I have nothing but fond memories of this program.
Now I am 24. I am waaay past the age bracket. And, looking through this year’s Kids’ Choice nominations, I’m only familiar with maybe 3 or 4 nominees per category.
I think that makes me qualified enough to vote. Let’s get this ish started!
For a full list of this year’s nominees, click here.
TV Show: Is Jessie still eligible? I thought that show ended a while ago? Anyway, Austin and Ally will most definitely win this, but I’m rooting for the only Emmy nominee of the bunch: Girl Meets World.
Family TV Show: Oh, there’s a separate category for shows that are appropriate for children, but really geared towards a general/adult audience? Interesting. I’m gonna vote for The Flash. I’ve never seen The Flash. But I don’t feel particularly passionate about any of the shows I have watched in this category. And I’ve heard some great things about this show from people whose opinions I mostly respect.
Male TV Star – Kids Show: Henry Danger is probably my least favorite show to come from Dan Schneider…but the show’s lead Jace Norman is talented and charismatic and has a lot of potential. So I’m gonna vote for him. Again, Austin and Ally is totally sweeping this thing.
Male TV Star – Family Show: Again, gonna go for the only Emmy nominee of the bunch: Anthony Anderson.
Female TV Star – Kids Show: I love me some Zendaya, giiiirrl…but what Dove Cameron does on Liv and Maddie is more impressive. She pulls a Lindsay Lohan, y’all!
Female TV Star – Family Show: Why does ABC have so many nominations? Is it just me? Anywho, I’m voting for Ming-Na Wen because she was Mulan and Mulan is the best Disney princess ever. I don’t think my reasons for my choices so far have been any more ridiculous than how the average kid is voting.
Favorite Book: I feel like if Nickelodeon wants to support literacy, they should only highlight current books…not old popular books that every child and their grandmother have read. I mean, seriously, Harry Potter? Anyway, I love The Hunger Games so I’ll go with that.
Favorite Video Games: I haven’t picked up a controller in 10 years. I really don’t care. I’m not going to publish what I chose here. I literally made a random choice so I could move on to the next category.
Talent Competition: Is Dance Moms a talent competition? Like…it’s just not. Like, I get it…but it’s not the same genre as shows like American Idol.
Cooking Show: During the summer, when there was very little on the TV, I was obsessed with Chopped…so I gotta go with that. Laura in the Kitchen was snubbed though!
Movie: It’s weird how Daddy’s Home is considered a family movie. When I watched it last December, my theatre was filled with little kids. I mean, I’m not a prude. I was watching R-rated movies when I was eight. Still…that was at home. Anyway, what’s the point of having nominees when Star Wars is so obviously going to win? Even I’m going to vote for it, because what’s the point otherwise?
Movie Actor: Will Ferrell is hilarious, but I gotta give it to my boy John Boyega, who gave a great performance and dealt with racist trolls online with grace and humor.
Movie Actress: Jennifer Lawrence is SOOO good in the final Hunger Games, but, truly, Daisy Ridley is almost Oscar worthy in Star Wars. If Natalie Portman can become a star out of the critically dragged prequel movies, then Daisy Ridley will have a great future ahead.
Animated Movie: The Peanuts Movie. It won’t win, but I can’t not vote for it.
Voice from an Animated Movie: I mean, there are so many weird snubs here but whatever, this has to go to Amy Poehler.
Favorite Cartoon: Here we go…wait…no Rugrats? That show doesn’t air anymore? It seems like every other Nicktoon from my childhood is still creating new episodes so…What’s Ninjago? Oh my god. Get off my lawn because I am old! Spongebob Squarepants always dominates this category. It’s time for change. Gonna go with Gravity Falls.
Music Group: Thankfully, there aren’t really any bands that are made specifically for children so I – …OMIGOD! Pentatonix got a nomination! Move outta my way! Gotta vote for it. Shoot, I just fractured my finger from pressing on the touchpad too hard.
Male Singer: I’m officially a Belieber. And I also really like Nick Jonas and, of course, The Weeknd. But, Ed Sheeran is type of artist I would be if I could sing…and write…and was ginger.
Female Singer: I love Taylor Swift, but Adele always, every time, forever and ever, for the rest of mankind, needs to win all the awards.
Song of the Year: Again…Adele (“Hello”) needs to win everything because she’s queen.
New Artist: Wow…they actually have this category? What 10 year old has heard of these artists? If DNCE was called “Joe Jonas and the Funky Bunch” maybe it would be a shoe-in. Anyway, I’m gonna SHUT UP and vote for Walk the Moon.
Collaboration: I could definitely just listen to the songs I’m not familiar with before voting. It would only take 5 minutes and make this whole process fairer…Anyway, “See You Again.”
Wait, people can vote more than once? OK, time to vote for The Peanut Movie over and over again. My votes will definitely make a difference vs. Minions.